In the year twenty, twenty and five.
The robot armies will come to life.
They fight with anger, fire their lazer.
Protect us robot vacuum cleaner.

[drop][break]
(robot vacuum cleaner)


In a world of deadly A.I. foes,
Who march on robot metal toes.
The world will need some kind of saviour.
Protect us, robot vacuum cleaner.

[drop][break]
(robot vacuum cleaner)

[chorus]
Clean the carpet, Clean the carpet up (up)
Clean the big mat, Clean the big mat (rug)
Clean the carpet, Clean the carpet up (up)
Clean the laminated kitchen floor (too)

[drop][break]

In the year twenty, twenty and five.
While people are trying to stay alive.
The robot armies are getting meaner.
Protect us, robot vacuum cleaner.

[drop][break]
(robot vacuum cleaner)

In the future times, when robots rule,
At least one thing will still be true.
The robot's wheels will smoothly glide,
Where the robot vacuum cleaner tried.

[drop][break]
(robot vacuum cleaner)

[chorus]
Clean the carpet, Clean the carpet up (up)
Clean the big mat, Clean the big mat (rug)
Clean the carpet, Clean the carpet up (up)
Clean the laminated kitchen floor (too)

[bridge - airy]
It's leaving stripes in the carpet where it travels to and fro.
Watch it driving all around. Even the cat won't mind the sound.
It searches for the dirt and then it picks it all up,
Until it's all the way home to where it charges up.
(It's all alone.)
(It's all alone.)
(It cleans the carpet)
(All alone.)

[drop][break]

[chorus]
Clean the carpet, Clean the carpet up (up)
Clean the big mat, Clean the big mat (rug)
Clean the carpet, Clean the carpet up (up)
Clean the laminated kitchen floor (too)

Clean the carpet, Clean the carpet up (up)
Clean the big mat, Clean the big mat (rug)
Clean the carpet, Clean the carpet up (up)
Clean the laminated kitchen floor (too)

[drop][break]

JNKCE20250709

Bright Blue Blues

Scene One
Int. Shop Floor - Morning

[Dave is proudly showing off the new fridge to Barbara while Green watches from the counter]

Dave: And look - solar charging, so we can keep going at the Church Fete without worrying about plugging it in.
Barbara: Very impressive! Much better than that tiny one that arrived yesterday.
Green: At least this one can hold more than a thimble of cola.
Dave: The temperature control is digital too!
Barbara: You're going to make quite the impression at the Fete.
Dave: And no RGB lighting! I promised Mrs Thompson.
Green: What's that blue glow then?
Dave: Oh, that's just the power indicator.

[Mrs Thompson enters]

Mrs Thompson: Oh, good grief, David, that light is brighter than the sun.
Dave: It's meant to be reassuring. It shows there's power going to it.
Mrs Thompson: It's meant to be giving me a headache.
Barbara: Can't you turn it down?
Dave: Um..

Scene Two
Int. Shop Floor ..Twenty minutes later..

[Dave is frantically reading the manual while the blue light illuminates the whole room]

Green: What the heck is it doing? It's like a police beacon.
Dave: The manual says there should be a dimmer setting.
Mrs Thompson: Should be?
Dave: Page 47... "Light brightness adjustable via companion app."
Green: Oh god, not another app.
Dave: Just need to sync it with my phone... Gimme a minute.
Mrs Thompson: And what if you break your phone, and we can't access the App? Then what?
Dave: Just ... Hang on..

Scene Three
Int. Shop Floor ..Three hours later..

[The shop is bathed in blue light as Dave tries different solutions]

Green: Dave, you're just making it worse.
Mrs Thompson: What about unplugging it?
Dave: It's on a battery, that won't help.
Barbara: Turn it off!!
Green: The app isn't working David. Cover up the light.
[Dave places a small amount of blu-tack over the light hole, and the room turns to a slightly muddier blue colour]

Dave: Maybe we could market it as a feature?
All: NO!

[End Credits Roll]